What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
