i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
