Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
