just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
