sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
