I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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