Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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