Me. At least after what I've been through.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
