I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize