I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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