How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
