Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
