And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
