We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
