im six kinds of drunk right now
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
