I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
