Farmville is her only friend.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
