My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
