counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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