so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My balls are so social today.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
