Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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