I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
