he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
