"it" just moved
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
