SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
