Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Randomize
