happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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