honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
