Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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