I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
