i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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