I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
