He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
