her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
