you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
