no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
