fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
