It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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