never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
