i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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