I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
