what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
