Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
