I puked a lego.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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