The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i came on her dog
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
