Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
