As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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