do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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