garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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