I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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