yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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