he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
