Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
